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Monday, December 28, 2009

2010 --- It’s the New Year again!

Well readers as we approach another New Year, I am sure many of you are planning your New Year's resolutions. You know the ones that include losing weight, getting more active, working out, eating better, going to church more, getting more involved in community outreach, getting more in touch with friends and family,....and just overall becoming a better you. I truly do wish everyone good luck with their resolutions this year. I have always had and probably will continue to have my share of resolutions in 2010 and beyond. The driving desire to be a better person rings loud and clear as the clock strikes 12 at the beginning of the year. As we shout 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1, ...Happy New Year.... Be a Better Me, should all be proclaimed in the same sentence.

At any rate, again, I am not challenging anyone for their New Year's Resolutions...rather....the single girl in the New Year is hoping to see movement in her life. Can I resolve to find a soul-mate, can I resolve to date more, and can I resolve to find true love...? To me resolutions always lack some truth, because they are often surface requests for what we truly desire. Lose weight --- improve my self-image; Work out --- stop being lazy and get some discipline; Eat better --- a statement that is riddled with guilt from all the crap that we ate over the holidays; Go to Church More ---- Stop being a some time Christian (*some times I'm working on my relationship with God...and some times I'm not); Get more involved in community outreach --- again riddled with guilt regarding all the selfish acts that have been done this past year. This year, I am truly digging into my soul to outline my New Year's resolutions:


1) Get off the couch, get in the gym, and stop crying about losing weight
2) Make more money --- i.e., stop spending everything I have on frivolous items I don't need
3) Eat better - HA, stop eating all together --- stop self medicating with food
4) Cut back on alcohol - again stop self medicating with alcohol, and get it together
5) Be a more faithful person -- be prayerful in the good and bad times...and just because it’s cold outside, it doesn't exempt me from going to church
6) I resolve to find a mate --- i.e., stop dealing with these dead-end and nowhere relationships and open your heart and soul for what's truly right
7) Appreciate my blessings, big and small. Stop being a selfish, self-centered, and egotistical individual….recognize my higher purpose…
8) Be a better me --- Note: if you have to pep-talk yourself into being a better you then you probably already know you aren't the best you ...that you can be!

Overall, the single girl desires to see movement in her life. The single girl of the she-spot feels totally stagnant right now. It's time to take the reigns of my life and gain control of my life, my decisions, my failures, and my consequences.

So this year as you and I put pen to paper to create your resolutions for 2010, let’s all aim to be wiser and more true to ourselves. Let’s recognize our decisions that have led our lives in the direction it’s going. Resolve to be better at being you…resolve to be more introspective and reflective. Resolve to recognize our individual faults… .

Happy New Year everyone....wishing you much love and peace during this season...and much success on attaining your goals for 2010.

---And that's straight out of the she-spot!!!

D

Friday, December 18, 2009

Tis the Season to be...well Tis the Season!


It's seven days until Christmas...and I'm feeling excited about spending time with family and friends.  I must admit,...I just love this time of year.  From Thanksgiving to New Years...I am truly in spirit.  I love the smell of pine and cinnamon that lingers in the air.   To me, the atmosphere feels like I'm surrounded by a big hug! (I know, it's corny right...but true!)

Now on the flip-side, people seem stressed beyond belief. 

The malls are flooded with weary shoppers looking for the best deal...all the while fighting over the size they need with the next weary shopper that has a better reach and more aggressive elbowing tactics!  (Kobe and Lebron look out...your competition is in the nearest mall!) 

The parking lot is nothing short of mayhem.  Picture this:  Car #1 is on one end....Car #2 is on the other end...both are racing for the same spot...both are playing chicken...who loses...who loses....the poor elderly lady with her shopping cart that has to leap out of the way to avoid being sandwiched by a head-on crash!  Come on people, is anything that serious?  SMH and wondering why people make Target's parking lot their own personal Speedway.

As "Santa" prepares to give the kids everything their heart desires...the Christmas lists keep growing and growing....  Dear Santa:  I would like (this long a$$ list of things that I can't even spell!) I mean really, who needs a Wii, an Ipod, a laptop, a PS (whatever the latest is)...a plasma TV...a new cell phone...and much more...  I ask, when is this "fortunate" child going to have time to sit down and do some homework?  And parents, if your child is averaging D's in class...it's probably a sign that all they need for Christmas is a book and a tutor!  But hey...that's just me!

Tis the season for giving.  So I wonder, how is it that people leave the stores with two carts...or fifteen bags, but don't have a quarter to put in the Salvation Army collection can?  Note:  You saw Santa or the helper outside when you went in the store.  So, did you not think to save a few cents to donate to those less fortunate...?  Does that mean you went in and spent every dime...all in the name of Christmas gifts?

Okay, lastly....something to keep in mind...just because it looks nice to you doesn't mean it looks nice to others.  Just because you can put a thousand green lights on the outside of your house doesn't mean that your neighbors want to look at the green monstrosity.  For those of you that have those large inflatables that only stay inflated for about thirty minutes...remember less is more!  And making your child happy...has your yard looking a mess!

So...Tis the Season ...to be a basketball player...a race-car driver....greedy little kid, ....a tutor in need of a job...nickel-ing and dime-ing / scrooge...and a decoration fashionista (NOT!).  Let's get back to what is important...love, joy, celebration, and giving....!  Now is the time to reevaluate your holiday disposition. 

Happy Holidays!  May the joys of the season fill your heart and home.


And that's straight out of The She-Spot!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Wanted: A guy with some damn sense!

Is it just me...or has the dating scene gotten to be very lame?  The single girl (i.e., me) tries to keep an open mind and a positive attitude...but it becomes very difficult when she keeps running head on into insanity.  Ever go toe to toe with insanity....let's just say, it's a losing battle!

At any rate, I am at the point that I want to carry around my personal add in at least a 11 X 17 size... that says - Single Girl Seeking the following: 

Honest guy...unmarried guy and/or unattached guy (*Definition:  there is no one that thinks she's attached) ...and wait also (separated doesn't count).  Must be well-kept (bathes regularly,...irons his clothes...and has an eye for style...(Note:  he doesn't have to be fashion forward, but wearing 1980's fashions isn't quite as attractive on guys)... have steady job (*a steady job does not include working on getting your life together---what the hell does that mean!)...must have a car...MUST have a car that runs...not a car parked in your yard, or one that has been repo-ed...must know the difference between being confident and cocky...must be able to hold a conversation outside of text messages - LOL, LMAO, OMG and ROTFL do not count as conversation.  A girl likes to get a phone call every now and then... GEEZ!  And if he communicates via text messages ...NO SPELLING ERRORS!   No smokers!  Must have own space, no living with parents...and definitely don't think just because we went out on one date that you can move in with me!  (Leave your bag and your items at home...and Hell NO...you can not have a key to my house!) Once these initial prerequisites have been met...he must be nice, considerate, down to earth, compassionate and passionate!   And as my mom used to say..."can he have a bit of damn common-sense!"  Only qualified and serious applicants need apply!  Review of applications will begin immediately....

But maybe it's just me...maybe you haven't run into these guys...if not, you're lucky!  And I know some of you may say, I'm picky...but I don't think anything on this list should not be expected...most of it is just basic common courtesy and chivalry.  Whatever happened to being courted...? Hmmm....Single Girl Seeking Relief from Dating Chaos!

And that is straight out of The She-Spot!

D

Monday, November 30, 2009

By Chance ---

This entry is going to be a short one, because I am still processing and appreciating it.  However, I ask the question: When is the last time you had a chance encounter that moved you? 

As I get older, it is not very often that I meet people that affect me, perhaps I'm a bit jaded, but that's another story.  At any rate, I recently ran into someone that had an interesting perspective on life.  It was like running full speed into a breath of fresh air, like taking a deep breath on an ice cold morning.  After a couple hours of great conversation and laughter, I must admit...I was impacted.  I have contemplated the encounter for a couple of days now, and it's good to know that I can still find inspiration in the simple things in life, like an engaging conversation, a smile, a good cup of coffee, or a hearty meal.  On another note, it is slightly sad that inspiration doesn't come as often as one would like. 

So for me, this chance encounter reaffirmed something that I had just about forgotten.  The encounter made me remember the things that are important and made me take stock in the joys of life.  With that said, I have decided to live my life looking closely at the small things and enjoying the unforgettable moments in hopes that I can find a the slightest bit of joy.  I will open my eyes to see the beauty that exists in the midsts of life-long pandemonium. 

Lastly, I want to say thanks for the encounter...it was exactly what I needed!


This is the She-Spot ...

Feeling thankful for the small things....!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

The Progressive Woman's Plight!

For a while, I have been pondering over an issue based on some recent conversations I have had. And of course, this rainy Sunday afternoon has made me incredibly contemplative today. So here’s a bit of context for the question I will ask you today. Recently, I have taken a look at the many women that remain single either single having never been married or single through divorce. Many, if not all of these women, are beautiful, smart, progressive, and just all around together women. In addition to being what I consider the full package, the majority of these women are overly-educated holding advanced degrees and well-paid in their careers. Now, of course there are many women that are not single with all of these attributes, but it seems like somewhat of a phenomenon in that these awesome women remain single.



Therefore, the question I want to explore today is whether a progressive woman has a harder time finding a mate...?


First, let me say that this article is in no way meant to slight other women that are not these career-minded and exceedingly educated women that I have described here, because my blog is written to uplift all women…or at least probe into the issues that all women face. But rather, this blog entry is one that just wants to delve into possible obstacles that prevent us all from finding that ideal mate.


Particularly, while many of the women that are career minded and have gone on to seek higher education because they have an ideal career that they would like to pursue, there are others of us that have gone on to pursue higher education in an effort to have increased income and to see career growth. And many women in these situations continue to pursue greater opportunities while they await the arrival of Mr. Right. Now of course, this is not 40’s or 50’s, and most women can fend for themselves (in most aspects). So, it’s not about waiting on Mr. Right to carry her away from the life that she’s living. But rather, I have the belief that there is a special person out there for everyone.


However, once a woman has reached a certain level, it becomes increasingly difficult to meet available men, for several reasons. First, men that are on the same level are often married or have chosen to remain single (LOL, the incessant player). And men that are on her level say that they want a woman with her credentials often spends much of his time trying to change who she is. And if a woman decides to date a man that may not make as much as she does or has not chosen her same path, she potentially faces other issues that deal with his feeling of inadequacy.


Truly, I am exploring the complexities of male / female interaction. I think we spend too much time tearing each other down rather than building each other up. We have been so programmed to think that men and women are from different spectrums (Mars and Venus) that we don’t take the time to understand how much we are alike and what we each need. The progressive woman, like all women, just wants to be loved and adored. She wants to feel like she can be awesome in the workplace and just as awesome in the eyes of the man she loves.


Yes, the progressive woman knows how to take care of herself, she’s done it for a long while. But she also wants to one day feel like she can relinquish some of her power and remove the great weight that she has on her shoulders by sharing her wants, dreams, and desires with her Mr. Right.  And perhaps with entries like this one, we can spread greater awareness that will lead to true dialogue between men and women...so that the progressive woman can also have a chance at true love.

...the she-spot has spoken!

D

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Compromise v. Sacrifice

I am thinking about a conversation I had a few months ago with several friends as we debated compromise versus sacrifice. In this conversation, we discussed whether relationships require compromise or sacrifice, or whether both were synonymous? Needless to say, while discussing this topic in a room filled with both men and women, the opinions were extremely varied.  Many of the men took the proverbial high-road and indicated that compromise was necessary in a relationship, however, this was based on the fact that they figured that the women in their lives would be the ones that did most of the compromising.  Okay, maybe I am being a bit unfair to the men in the group.  The women in the discussion, however, were totally up in arms regarding the discussion, because we, too, assumed that we would be the ones doing all the compromising.  (It's interesting how the communication between men and women is blocked at the onset ---by some basic and perhaps incorrect assumptions --- I will write about male/female communication another day). 

So, tonight, I am contemplating whether there is a difference between compromise and sacrifice? We always tend to feel uncomfortable with either word because both seem as if you are giving up something. And since we all ultimately have the desire to win, no word that implies a loss of anything feels like it quite fits in our vocabulary.


As I sit here thinking more about the give and take of relationships, I immediately think that relationships require a degree of ebb and flow….at different points in the relationship, we all have to be somewhat flexible. The question is, when does the gentle give and take of relationships start to feel like a push and a shove?  I would think most would be okay with compromising about who washes the dishes one night, what’s for dinner on a Tuesday, who takes out the trash, whether we should have company over, and whether we should have a down comforter or a micro-suede one? These are all discussions that couples have which can be easily resolved. And for the most part, these issues do not have any real affect on the other person and could require a compromise by either one or both people.  Compromise is made in a setting where there are mutual concessions and mutual benefits.  There is everything to gain for both and very little is lost for both. 

However, when the compromise affects the core of the relationship or greatly impacts the other person, and yet that person goes along with this compromise, the person has made a sacrifice. Being the sacrificial lamb in a relationship can be very detrimental to the relationship, because ultimately the one person that gave so much will feel as though they have lost a greatly---resulting in a certain level of bitterness or resentment.


Particularly in terms of relationships, no one person should be required to sacrifice unless both people are to sacrifice. For example, if one person in the relationship has lost their job, then both should be required to sacrifice in cutting back the expenditures, rather than just the one person. The definition of sacrifice implies a total surrendering.  In terms of a relationship, it means that there is in some way a loss of self or being disadvantaged.  So while compromise seems to be healthy for the relationship, sacrifice could easily put a strain on the relationship.

On the contrary, if you think about sacrifice biblically, sacrifice is the ultimate display of commitment and faith. However, since love and relationships here on earth include the human element, it is probably best to keep relationships in the realm of compromise rather than sacrifice.

And that's straight out of The She-Spot!

D

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Are you a giver or a taker?

Have we become a society of people that take take take and give nothing?  Look at the environment...we have destroyed the world around us, and given nothing back.  And now we can't even begin to get mobilized behind an effort to prevent global warming.  Think about the hunger and homelessness that exists across the world and even in our country. 

I am thinking about this in terms of friendships and relationships.  Do you ever just feel that you give a lot and get nothing in return, except for the label, friend or mate?  When did we become a society that is totally focused on self...when did it become --- "we hold these truths to be SELF-INTERESTED...?" 

As a young girl, I learned to share...to give unselfishly...to love with reckless abandon.  Were my parents wrong in teaching me these, what I consider very basic rules to life?  No, I don't think so.  I just think that somewhere in this world where we have become nothing but reckless consumers...the basic rules of giving and sharing have been lost in the everyday chaos.  Now, I am not naive in thinking that every interaction or relationship will be 50 - 50 give and take, because truth be told, some people are just better at giving and others are better at taking.  However, I don't think a relationship has much value if only one person shares.  

When is the last time you just called a friend and wanted to hear how his/her life was going?  And no matter the issue, you just wanted to GIVE of yourself by being there.  When is the last time you did something really special for your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife...something that would make their life easier, just because you wanted to see them smile?  When is the last time you set out to make someone happy without expecting anything in return?

People today have lost sight of important things.  We are all consumed with ambition and social climbing and being wealthy, without recognizing that a rich life is one that is surrounded with people that we love and that love us.  We all often take people for granted, thinking that they will always be around.  What happens when the person you have been feeding off of decides that they have nothing left to give?  If you are a societal parasite, its time you released your hold and give back some of all that you have taken.  And for those of us that give give give until we are bone dry, it's time to take back some of yourself. 

Ask yourself today, are you a giver or a taker?....Evaluate your friendships and relationships and decide what you can do better...how you can love more...and how you can give more of yourself so the relationship won't be so one-sided!  To give is to receive and to love is to be loved!

....and that's straight out of the she-spot...

D

Friday, October 2, 2009

FALL in Love (Autumn Soul)

I woke up this morning and could feel the cool air all around me.  It dawned on me...it's Fall.  Autumn is the time where it's chilly in the mornings, but it gets warm by Noon.  The colors of the leaves brighten the sky, and we all begin to pull out our wintery layers to prepare for the first frost.  Despite the fact that I am totally a summer person and love the heat of mid-July, when I got up this morning, I thought about more than just the nature of fall.  I contemplated winter approaching, and how you think about wanting to be close to someone, to share your space with someone, and to find yourself cuddled up in sweats with the person that you desire.

Ahhh, yes, for me Autumn is the time for love.  There is nothing better than sweat-pants, your favorite movie, and chocolate brownies, all while snuggling up on the couch with your sweetie.  Hmmm, let me put this in terms that my male readers can understand.  For the men, there's nothing better than having your girl wearing your favorite white t-shirt, sitting on the couch in front of your big screen, while watching Saturday college football or the Sunday NFL, while snacking on some wings and a Sam Adams Octoberfest beer! 

At any rate, the play time of the summer is over.  The Friday Happy Hours have concluded, vacations have come to an end, school is back in session, people are back on the grind, and of course, love is in the air.  I can smell the love of fall like sweet potato pie at Thanksgiving.  Although it is getting cold outside, the air feels warm and fragrant... .  Yes, yes...Autumn is upon us, and love is everywhere.  Whoever said spring was the season for love and new beginnings.  Fall represents continued love and comfort. 

Happy Fall Everyone!  Enjoy the beauty of the season...and let's all get comfortable...and Naked! (Ha)

And that's straight out of the she-spot...
---D



Sunday, September 27, 2009

Life's Chaos 1 - Don't we date any more!

I start this blog with asking the question...do people even date any more?  It seems to me that everyone, especially men, have been comfortable with as soon as they meet you...getting all up in your space...without what my parents used to call the courtship.  Whatever happened to the days of old, where a man would take you out to a nice movie or restaurant and then drop you off at the front door, all the while contemplating whether he would make the first move for a kiss? These days, the minute you meet a guy...you are having to defend your personal space from having him move right on in.

I won't, however, blame this blog totally on the men we date...LOL.  Why is it that women feel comfortable having sex with men that they just met?  Don't get me wrong, this is definitely not a judgment call...but how did we get to the point that we find ourselves in bed with a stranger?  No, he may not be a stranger in the sense that we have no clue who this guy is but rather a stranger in the sense that we probably have hung out with him a couple of times...and maybe talked to him on the phone a couple of times..., yet he is still a stranger.  And then often we find ourselves disappointed or even dejected over the event.  Not to mention, sex with a stranger that isn't enjoyable sex is enough to make you want to slit your wrist.  But I digress!

I guess the point of this blog is to say, we all need to slow things down these days.  In the age of technology and easy access, we just don't want to provide easy access to ourselves, our body, our mind...our soul.  We need to learn to proceed with caution...keeping in mind, "everything that glitters ain't gold."  Never has a truer statement been said.  

Anyway...I think its time we take life slow.  And perhaps when something noteworthy comes a long...we won't miss it with the hustle and bustle of life's chaos.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

"Birthday Blues for the Single Girl"

Hey world....

It's the eve of my birthday and I am looking forward to having dinner with friends. As I am getting ready for dinner, I am sitting here thinking about what this next year will mean...for the single girl who is still looking for love....hmmmm, one wonders. So while I have had the fortunate opportunity to share this weekend with those that I love, I find myself in the midst of reflection as I wonder...what's next?

Birthdays for the single girl who is in her thirties are what many would consider an extremely stressful time. Because while you have very special friends and family that value you and want to share in your day, they aren't quite as committed as you would have them be. For a person like me, birthdays are special times. I usually go out of my way to make others feel loved and valued. Yet, I went into this birthday weekend holding my breath and wishing it was over, because I knew that the investment in my day would be little to none.

So you may wonder why birthdays for the single girl are so stressful, well the time is spent wondering will you be alone on your birthday...will the people you care about actually show up...will the men you are seeing even give you a call (considering that most married men can't even remember their wives birthdays), and finally will this birthday be worthwhile? And after all of that, if the birthday isn't that great, what the heck does that say about the year to come?

Well, to my surprise, my birthday has been fine. My friends actually did show up, some of the guys actually did call...and I was made to feel special by those that love me. But for those of you that know some single woman who is nearing a birthday, keep this in mind and make it her best!

And that's straight out of the She-Spot!




Sunday, March 8, 2009

The Fun in Facebook

Over the last few months, I have gotten into the newest 30 something phenomena --- FaceBook. It has been a great way to get back in touch with old friends and to constantly be updated on the haps of your closest friends. The best thing however about facebook is that you feel so in the minds of those you know...from the status updates to the recent pics...to the old pics...or just based on the applications that everyone uploads.

Just think, when is the last time that 100 people wished you a Happy Birthday? How great is that...that you everyone can easily reach out and touch you.

Facebook, although it can be a major distraction in your daily life, has been as strong a connection as the cell phone. Interestingly, high school students and twenty-somethings have been using facebook for a while now. It has only recently touched the thirty-something to forty-something crowd. What a way to close the generation gap...through communication.

My hats off to facebook...as I am a total fan.

Liar, Liar...Pants on Fire!

It's Sunday night, and I am contemplating what the week will have in store. As I think about tomorrow, work, the gym and all the many things that clutter my mind, I realize I am also feeling frustrated about a recent incident. Someone close to me told me, what I consider to be, a sizable lie. The lie goes to the overall credibility of the person.

So I ask the question, is it possible to get past a lie that calls question to the very core of who you are? I would like to think that I am extremely open-minded (which I am about most things) and I am extremely forgiving. The truth of the matter is that it does not matter whether the lie is forgiven, there is always a nagging thought in the back of your mind that waits for the next lie.

Is it unfair for me to base my judgment of this individual on this one lie? I have decided to have the hard conversation. And for those of you that know me, you know that I hate confrontation. I believe, however, if I confront this issue head-on, then perhaps I can get past the lie...at least I hope so.

For now, I am forever reminded of the childhood saying...liar, liar...pants on fire! At this moment, I am still a bit mad... .

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Motivation ...PERHAPS!

I often wonder what has happened to my
motivation. I wonder why my creativity
has fallen by the wayside.

I used to write all the time.
In the past, I was able to put pen to paper and define who I was.

Now, I find it so difficult to get into the
groove of things.
I truly believe that life's difficulties have cluttered my brain
to the point that no creative "juices" can flow. I have been
stagnated by life's disappointments. And I can't even begin to
answer the question, "Who Am I?"

My favorite movie "The Five Heartbeats" says that you
aren't able to be your best creatively until you have experienced
heartbreak...
I believe this to be true, but moving beyond
the pain of the past is what takes courage.

So the question is: How do you move beyond the
life that you are living to reach your fullest
potential? How do you not let life take away all that you are and
leave you with nothing? How are you motivated when you have been
battered, bruised, and broken?

I wonder...I think...I attempt...and thus, this
blog. Perhaps, I can overcome life's
challenges...perhaps I can grasp
motivation while staring defeat in the
face...perhaps...
PERHAPS!