Compromise v. Sacrifice

I am thinking about a conversation I had a few months ago with several friends as we debated compromise versus sacrifice. In this conversation, we discussed whether relationships require compromise or sacrifice, or whether both were synonymous? Needless to say, while discussing this topic in a room filled with both men and women, the opinions were extremely varied.  Many of the men took the proverbial high-road and indicated that compromise was necessary in a relationship, however, this was based on the fact that they figured that the women in their lives would be the ones that did most of the compromising.  Okay, maybe I am being a bit unfair to the men in the group.  The women in the discussion, however, were totally up in arms regarding the discussion, because we, too, assumed that we would be the ones doing all the compromising.  (It's interesting how the communication between men and women is blocked at the onset ---by some basic and perhaps incorrect assumptions --- I will write about male/female communication another day). 

So, tonight, I am contemplating whether there is a difference between compromise and sacrifice? We always tend to feel uncomfortable with either word because both seem as if you are giving up something. And since we all ultimately have the desire to win, no word that implies a loss of anything feels like it quite fits in our vocabulary.


As I sit here thinking more about the give and take of relationships, I immediately think that relationships require a degree of ebb and flow….at different points in the relationship, we all have to be somewhat flexible. The question is, when does the gentle give and take of relationships start to feel like a push and a shove?  I would think most would be okay with compromising about who washes the dishes one night, what’s for dinner on a Tuesday, who takes out the trash, whether we should have company over, and whether we should have a down comforter or a micro-suede one? These are all discussions that couples have which can be easily resolved. And for the most part, these issues do not have any real affect on the other person and could require a compromise by either one or both people.  Compromise is made in a setting where there are mutual concessions and mutual benefits.  There is everything to gain for both and very little is lost for both. 

However, when the compromise affects the core of the relationship or greatly impacts the other person, and yet that person goes along with this compromise, the person has made a sacrifice. Being the sacrificial lamb in a relationship can be very detrimental to the relationship, because ultimately the one person that gave so much will feel as though they have lost a greatly---resulting in a certain level of bitterness or resentment.


Particularly in terms of relationships, no one person should be required to sacrifice unless both people are to sacrifice. For example, if one person in the relationship has lost their job, then both should be required to sacrifice in cutting back the expenditures, rather than just the one person. The definition of sacrifice implies a total surrendering.  In terms of a relationship, it means that there is in some way a loss of self or being disadvantaged.  So while compromise seems to be healthy for the relationship, sacrifice could easily put a strain on the relationship.

On the contrary, if you think about sacrifice biblically, sacrifice is the ultimate display of commitment and faith. However, since love and relationships here on earth include the human element, it is probably best to keep relationships in the realm of compromise rather than sacrifice.

And that's straight out of The She-Spot!

D