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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Compromise v. Sacrifice

I am thinking about a conversation I had a few months ago with several friends as we debated compromise versus sacrifice. In this conversation, we discussed whether relationships require compromise or sacrifice, or whether both were synonymous? Needless to say, while discussing this topic in a room filled with both men and women, the opinions were extremely varied.  Many of the men took the proverbial high-road and indicated that compromise was necessary in a relationship, however, this was based on the fact that they figured that the women in their lives would be the ones that did most of the compromising.  Okay, maybe I am being a bit unfair to the men in the group.  The women in the discussion, however, were totally up in arms regarding the discussion, because we, too, assumed that we would be the ones doing all the compromising.  (It's interesting how the communication between men and women is blocked at the onset ---by some basic and perhaps incorrect assumptions --- I will write about male/female communication another day). 

So, tonight, I am contemplating whether there is a difference between compromise and sacrifice? We always tend to feel uncomfortable with either word because both seem as if you are giving up something. And since we all ultimately have the desire to win, no word that implies a loss of anything feels like it quite fits in our vocabulary.


As I sit here thinking more about the give and take of relationships, I immediately think that relationships require a degree of ebb and flow….at different points in the relationship, we all have to be somewhat flexible. The question is, when does the gentle give and take of relationships start to feel like a push and a shove?  I would think most would be okay with compromising about who washes the dishes one night, what’s for dinner on a Tuesday, who takes out the trash, whether we should have company over, and whether we should have a down comforter or a micro-suede one? These are all discussions that couples have which can be easily resolved. And for the most part, these issues do not have any real affect on the other person and could require a compromise by either one or both people.  Compromise is made in a setting where there are mutual concessions and mutual benefits.  There is everything to gain for both and very little is lost for both. 

However, when the compromise affects the core of the relationship or greatly impacts the other person, and yet that person goes along with this compromise, the person has made a sacrifice. Being the sacrificial lamb in a relationship can be very detrimental to the relationship, because ultimately the one person that gave so much will feel as though they have lost a greatly---resulting in a certain level of bitterness or resentment.


Particularly in terms of relationships, no one person should be required to sacrifice unless both people are to sacrifice. For example, if one person in the relationship has lost their job, then both should be required to sacrifice in cutting back the expenditures, rather than just the one person. The definition of sacrifice implies a total surrendering.  In terms of a relationship, it means that there is in some way a loss of self or being disadvantaged.  So while compromise seems to be healthy for the relationship, sacrifice could easily put a strain on the relationship.

On the contrary, if you think about sacrifice biblically, sacrifice is the ultimate display of commitment and faith. However, since love and relationships here on earth include the human element, it is probably best to keep relationships in the realm of compromise rather than sacrifice.

And that's straight out of The She-Spot!

D

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Are you a giver or a taker?

Have we become a society of people that take take take and give nothing?  Look at the environment...we have destroyed the world around us, and given nothing back.  And now we can't even begin to get mobilized behind an effort to prevent global warming.  Think about the hunger and homelessness that exists across the world and even in our country. 

I am thinking about this in terms of friendships and relationships.  Do you ever just feel that you give a lot and get nothing in return, except for the label, friend or mate?  When did we become a society that is totally focused on self...when did it become --- "we hold these truths to be SELF-INTERESTED...?" 

As a young girl, I learned to share...to give unselfishly...to love with reckless abandon.  Were my parents wrong in teaching me these, what I consider very basic rules to life?  No, I don't think so.  I just think that somewhere in this world where we have become nothing but reckless consumers...the basic rules of giving and sharing have been lost in the everyday chaos.  Now, I am not naive in thinking that every interaction or relationship will be 50 - 50 give and take, because truth be told, some people are just better at giving and others are better at taking.  However, I don't think a relationship has much value if only one person shares.  

When is the last time you just called a friend and wanted to hear how his/her life was going?  And no matter the issue, you just wanted to GIVE of yourself by being there.  When is the last time you did something really special for your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife...something that would make their life easier, just because you wanted to see them smile?  When is the last time you set out to make someone happy without expecting anything in return?

People today have lost sight of important things.  We are all consumed with ambition and social climbing and being wealthy, without recognizing that a rich life is one that is surrounded with people that we love and that love us.  We all often take people for granted, thinking that they will always be around.  What happens when the person you have been feeding off of decides that they have nothing left to give?  If you are a societal parasite, its time you released your hold and give back some of all that you have taken.  And for those of us that give give give until we are bone dry, it's time to take back some of yourself. 

Ask yourself today, are you a giver or a taker?....Evaluate your friendships and relationships and decide what you can do better...how you can love more...and how you can give more of yourself so the relationship won't be so one-sided!  To give is to receive and to love is to be loved!

....and that's straight out of the she-spot...

D

Friday, October 2, 2009

FALL in Love (Autumn Soul)

I woke up this morning and could feel the cool air all around me.  It dawned on me...it's Fall.  Autumn is the time where it's chilly in the mornings, but it gets warm by Noon.  The colors of the leaves brighten the sky, and we all begin to pull out our wintery layers to prepare for the first frost.  Despite the fact that I am totally a summer person and love the heat of mid-July, when I got up this morning, I thought about more than just the nature of fall.  I contemplated winter approaching, and how you think about wanting to be close to someone, to share your space with someone, and to find yourself cuddled up in sweats with the person that you desire.

Ahhh, yes, for me Autumn is the time for love.  There is nothing better than sweat-pants, your favorite movie, and chocolate brownies, all while snuggling up on the couch with your sweetie.  Hmmm, let me put this in terms that my male readers can understand.  For the men, there's nothing better than having your girl wearing your favorite white t-shirt, sitting on the couch in front of your big screen, while watching Saturday college football or the Sunday NFL, while snacking on some wings and a Sam Adams Octoberfest beer! 

At any rate, the play time of the summer is over.  The Friday Happy Hours have concluded, vacations have come to an end, school is back in session, people are back on the grind, and of course, love is in the air.  I can smell the love of fall like sweet potato pie at Thanksgiving.  Although it is getting cold outside, the air feels warm and fragrant... .  Yes, yes...Autumn is upon us, and love is everywhere.  Whoever said spring was the season for love and new beginnings.  Fall represents continued love and comfort. 

Happy Fall Everyone!  Enjoy the beauty of the season...and let's all get comfortable...and Naked! (Ha)

And that's straight out of the she-spot...
---D